I’ve been sticking to my beliefs (I don’t want to say plan as that feels like a new set of rules to replace the diet rules I have lived by for years). I have been thinking less about food, I have been challenging myself when I find myself thinking about eating for reasons other than hunger, working out what’s going on, I am eating less but eating more of what I want, I am enjoying food.
It all sounds so positive but the thing I am still struggling with is the way I look. I understand the need to accept myself the way I am, to live my life now, rather than waiting until I reach some magical weight where everything will be fantastic. I dress well, I do my hair, wear make-up, but, if I am totally honest, there is still a voice inside of me calling me horrible names, decrying the size of my body, not loving myself the way I should, or the way I need to so that I can be happy.
How can I get around this? If I tell the truth I thought that when I embarked on this way of being that I would end up smaller, I would feel liberated around food and fit into the smallest pair of jeans I had ever owned. I understand the principles, I buy into them, but in the corner of my mind (and it’s quite a big corner really) I keep wanting to be smaller, to feel petite, to look differently. This has all come into my mind as diets are pushed so much at this time of year. I feel tempted: maybe a few weeks on the 5:2 and then I can come back to this? I could just get down to my target weight and then go back to what I know and understand is the only long-term solution: accepting myself, eating when I am hungry. I want to accept the current me, stop yearning for another, slimmer version, so how do I do that?
I am working on a programme for people like me (Happy in Your Own Skin) but how can I work with people when all this fills my mind, why can’t I just accept myself? Or maybe this constant ongoing struggle keeps me connected with people trying to do the same things I am?
thisisitdiet 