The problem I have found with giving up dieting is that I need something to happen quickly and I have realised I have to wait, to go through some sort of barrier in my thinking that I am not going to go back to dieting, detoxing, eating plans etc., anything that is a restricted eating plan under any sort of name. When I think, even in the very back recesses of my mind, that at some stage I shall be forced to go back to restricting myself I am giving myself permission to eat too much, eat all those banned foods whilst I still can, before the famine comes. If I accept that the famine is never going to happen I can relax more about what I am eating, and why I am eating, rather than panicking. The problem is for me, and many people who have been on this hideous weight loss treadmill for so long, is that I find it hard to believe that I will ever get to a point when I can eat like a normal person: a day of anything resembling normal eating is swiftly followed by a day of congratulatory eating: wow you were good yesterday, you deserve that bar of chocolate, bag of crisps etc. Are you hungry? Who cares!
It’s only food, it’s only fuel, so it needs to be put back in its cage, it needs its power taken away from it and then, maybe, I can silence those negative voices. It’s so, so difficult: it feels like a struggle, an ongoing struggle, and I suppose I need to see some sort of light, some indication that I am doing things right, that I will end up succeeding but it’s so hard for me to trust, ignore the irritating voices. I need to keep going but it’s very, very hard.