So it feels like I am moving in the right direction, doing the things I need to do, but I still need support, I need to write all this down as it helps sort out my brain. I wrote about knowing what to do and eating mindfully. These are the things I need to do, I need to carry on doing, to get to where I want to go, to be the person around food that I want to be.
SO, I am doing the right things: I am putting down my knife and fork between mouthfuls, I am thinking (well talking to myself very loudly when I am doing it) about how the food feels. Do I like the taste, do I like the texture, how does it feel as I swallow it. Everything about this feels very alien: I am used to eating my food really quickly, not really tasting it, worrying that there won’t be any more for me if I don’t hurry up, thinking about anything apart from the actual food. Often I have just wanted to have a “full” feeling as that seems to stop me feeling edgy, anxious. Is that above shovelling down food to squash my feelings? I’m not sure.
I am aware of mouth hunger – typing this my mouth is watering, not from hunger but from the idea of food. I can name it, know it’s there, but not have to eat. All these things feel like I am doing to right thing and I know I can carry this on. The strangeness I feel going through these stages is not as difficult as living with the chaos of the way I have been eating. It is getting better and I am going to get better.
thisisitdiet 