Being tested

I’ve been feeling pretty relaxed about my new way of eating, something seems to have clicked (after all these years) and being able to identify mouth hunger has made such a difference to me. It’s been fairly easy as my life has been pretty routine lately so I have been able to prepare all my own food and stick to a routine that works for me.

Yesterday that all changed: I was out all day at meetings (including a lunch) and arranged to meet a friend for dinner as I was in her area. I had to take this new plan out into the real world and see how I fared (no pun intended!).

Breakfast was fine: brown rice porridge with fruit at a restaurant with a coffee. Lunch was more of a challenged: the salad options were limited (which is what I really fancied, not because I was dieting). In the end I chose a chicken breast with chips and salad and ate only a few chips. I felt in control.
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In the evening we went to my friend’s choice of restaurant that, again, had virtually no salad options (was I being tested?). It was a glorious evening so I was surprised at the number of people who wanted a cooked meal. I had a Vegeburger and swapped the chips for potatoes. It came with quite a nice side salad (if they could do that why didn’t they offer a full salad on the menu?) and left most of the potatoes. I felt ok, I felt I had managed the situation and was able to revert to my own way of eating today, though didn’t feel particularly hungry.

I am worried writing this that it sounds like I am on some sort of diet, but I realise I am just trying to keep to this plan, make this way of eating normal for me, so I am paying attention to stop me going back on the old diet treadmill. In the old days I would have had a cooked breakfast (because I could), all the chips and potatoes (because I would be back on the diet the next day) so this is a real step forward. The next step is to be able to do without worrying about it. I think that might take a bit longer…..

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Thinking about it

I haven’t written for a little while because I’ve been trying not to think about things and, of course, writing about something is the most thinking about a thing you can do. Except it can help me organise my thoughts, re-group, focus my intentions again so today it is right for me to write again.

Things are going ok: I still haven’t weighed myself and I’m getting much better at telling those horrible negative voices in my head to shut up, that I’m fine the way I am, I’m not going to wake up tomorrow the size of a house and not be able to fit into my clothes. I suppose I am going “with the flow” though I don’t really like that expression. Another expression I don’t like is “it is what it is” which seems to mean very little but that’s an aside.

At the moment it all feels manageable, I feel able to push this into the corners of my mind and come out fighting when I need to. I am not dwelling, ruminating on it, observing what I am eating without censure (well not too much). In short I am trying to live a normal life. It feels like another step forward but as I have written before I am hesitant to take anything for granted, to think I am on the right road, as when I have done this before I have found myself back at the beginning or even further back than that.

Today I look good and feel good: a favourite song came on the radio and I sang (very loudly and very badly – I’m just being honest when I say I have a dreadful voice)and danced. Today feels ok, hopefully tomorrow will too.