Or it could be called Setback no 4836.
So it’s all going well and I beginning to think I am getting somewhere. I am putting together a way of being around food (in my head) that works for me. I understand I need to work out what I want to eat, give myself a reasonable amount, leave some on the plate (whenever possible) knowing I can have more later. Nothing is forbidden: I can have it but do I want it? I understand I eat to reward myself, when I am bored and when I know I haven’t had much food that day regardless of whether I am hungry and in hundreds of other ways that I haven’t discovered yet. I know that food is my first go-to drug, the thing that can make me feel happy, damp down my feelings, stop me being bored. I know I want food to get back into its box: be my fuel, enjoyable fuel, but not the answer to all or any of my problems.
So what happened? I had a good day at work, not thinking about food for one second, until I got in the car to drive home when I started thinking about what I would like to eat when I got home. I chose something healthy, ate that when I got back (whilst watching tv – no, no) and then ate a whole bag of chocolate. As soon as I had finished I felt awful: I had stopped halfway through but then got a thought that said “well you might as well finish them so they won’t be there to tempt you”. I don’t even like chocolate that much, especially the chocolate that I was eating, but I felt compelled to eat them all. Why? I think I was considering that I deserved them as I had had a healthy meal (without protein) that didn’t fill me.
Anyway I am not going to dwell on it: I did something I don’t want to do but I am just human even though I don’t like myself very much at the moment. I will get over it.
thisisitdiet 